Coach's Page

Coach's Page

Once upon a time in a land far far away... Jennifer and I were attending a Duck's unlimited banquet. Ducks Unlimited D.U. is a non profit dedicated to raising money to be used for the protection of wetlands. Why, you ask? That's a very good question. Ducks reproduce in the wetlands. If you want ducks to kill you need wetlands preserved in order to have ducks to reproduce in order to have ducks to shoot.

Shut up, that's a stupid question!

Anyway, where was I before your stupid question. Oh yes. Jennifer and I were at a duck's unlimited banquet. Now, this isn't any ordinary banquet, it's a fundraiser. What makes a fund raiser any different than a normal banquet? you ask. See, that's a much more intelligent question than the last one. Free adult beverages and bikinis. Yep. Imbibing of adult beverages and scantly clad women have some secret way of loosening money from the male wallet. I'm still not sure how but it happens.

Let me describe the seen. Two hours into our banquet I've been bidding on silent auctions and lying to my friends. I thing Jennifer has been following me around erasing my bids. I believe I might have even taken part in an adult refreshment or two. Gorgeous models are jumping on lap's in order to sell raffle tickets. It is literally a living hell.

The last live auction on the night was a six week old pure bred black lab puppy. The bidding starts out. I search the room and after several minutes finally spot Jennifer sitting next to me visiting with one of her friends, and causally raise my hand. A bidding war ensues back and forth, back and forth. One of my friends, who I owed money to, was sitting next to me. He leaned over and says "Keep bidding, I'll forgive the money for breeding rights." That's all it took. The war was on. That dog was mine. I might have been a little too enthusiastic in my bidding. Jennifer noticed that I was bidding and finally heard what the price that the bid was at. Jennifer yelled "Don't you bid on that dog."

The room was a hushed. Not a sole spoke.

The auctioneer looked at me with pained acknowledgement. Then he looked at my opponent. My opponent shook his head. The auctioneer smirked and pointed at me and said "Sold!"

Uh oh.

I realized at that moment that I might be in a little trouble. I figured when Jennifer said "That dog is not sleeping in my house" that I might have disputed our marital bliss. Still in an alcohol induced haze I promised that he would be an out side dog. He would be a guard dog.

After several hours of groveling Jennifer allowed that he could sleep out on the deck in his kennel. A freshly weaned puppy does not sleep quietly. He wines for his mommy. After about 2 hours of wining, the dog not me, Jennifer woke me up and told me to move his kennel into the living room. After 2 more hours of wining she had me move his kennel into the bedroom. That lasted about 1 day.

We now have a king size bed to accommodate a 120 lb lab and us.

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Revised: January 01, 2011